Physician, Heal Thyself

Inspired by my brother, I have realized the great potential benefit of writing down my thoughts. Since I was teenager, I have had fits and starts with journals and diaries. I would record my feelings and thoughts for a brief time , but I never stayed with it. However, occasionally I would sit down to write something, and the process would be almost therapeutic. As I wrote, I might clarify my own thoughts about some complex personal issue. Ironically, these writings were written in a persuasive manner despite the fact, that no one else ever was meant to read them and be persuaded. Sometimes, I guess you are trying to persuade yourself.

Now at the tender age of 30, I write in a journal almost daily, but it's little more than a record of my day to help me to remember the significant events of my life in the future. However, occasionally I still write something more profound, but it is often on email as I debate with my brother or my Dad online. As an adult, it is even more therapeutic for me to write, and actually have someone respond. Recently, my brother started a blog with this blog service, and I found myself responding to one of his postings, and that wonderful healing process began again. I think I typed for three hours straight without taking a break. As I wrote down my thoughts, I seemed to be finding myself. People talk about teenagers struggling with identity, but even long after the acne has cleared up, I find myself wondering who I am sometimes. Writing helps me answer that question and it feels so pure and healthy, that I have decided to start a blog myself. I have my brother to thank for this. I'm more of a novice writer than he is, but this is mostly for me. I think that the thought of these words being out on the internet adds a level of risk as my thoughts are exposed for the world to see. On the other hand, the exposure is obscured by the vastness of the internet, and I doubt this blog will gather much attention except from those who know me and care what I think.

I have titled this blog "physician, heal thyself" from a biblical scripture (Luke 4:23). My profession is that of being a medical doctor, and I am always amazed at the insight that doctors have into the lives of others, but so little insight into their own internal conflicts. When Jesus said those words, he was telling the people of Nazareth that a prophet has difficulty delivering his message in his home town. This is analogous to how a doctor can be brilliant when it comes to helping other people, but completely crippled when it comes to diagnosing and treating his own inner pathology. I'm determined not to be the type of person who lacks any objective ability to assess myself. I admire my brother, because he seems to be able to look at himself in the mirror of self-examination and never flinch no matter what ugly sight he discovers. I think his writing has helped him to learn to do this, and I am eager to progress along this pathway as well. Or maybe I'm just competitive as hell, and I don't want him to outpace me on the trail of introspection. Hey, I'm human...I can be small. But actually, I believe I have noble motives in this endeavor, so let the process begin...

P.S. If 6 months passes, and this is still the only entry on this blog, you have my permission and encouragement to drop me a critical email. The only thing worse than malpractice is negligence.

P.P.S. Thanks Kacy